CarbonStated

I just received my complimentary sample of Starbuck's Via instant coffee. Complete review coming soon!

T.O. inks with Bills

Warning: Some content may be objectionable to those who have a tenderness to certain "curse" words.

Terrell Owens was released from the Dallas Cowboys today after 3 tumultuous years which included a “suicide attempt”, a crying defense of his “quarterback” and an open feud with Jason Garrett, his “quarterback,” and his “quarterback’s” butt buddy.
Despite being the ripe age of 36, Owens is always in peak physical condition and despite a nagging hamstring, he rarely has any injury problems. Catching 10 TDs last season and racking up over 1,000 yards, the move was hardly based on lack of production. So the question then becomes: Where does T.O. G.O.?
Well, there are a handful of teams you can logically exclude immediately: Cowboys, Eagles, Vikings (head coach was Eagles offensive coordinator during Owens tenure), 49ers (even multiple regime changes aren’t likely to fade his time there into history), Dolphins (no way, no how with Parcells in charge), Colts and Steelers (he doesn’t fit their m.o.), and Cardinals (set at receiver).
Of the remaining 24 teams which don’t have personal or personnel issues with signing Owens, there is another group which likely cannot offer the amount of money Owens would command. Owens previous contract brought in a whopping 8.5 mil a year, a figure he won’t likely be able to duplicate anywhere else. However, his price tag won’t be much lower due to his clout. Also, because Owens is 36, he won’t likely want to sign a multi-year, back-loaded contract, which would make the most fiscal sense for teams with payroll issues. Additionally, these teams aren’t likely to want to fork over gobs of guaranteed money to a guy who is not only a proven liability, but an aging, proven liability. This eliminates the Washington Redskins, who are 4.9 million over the salary cap. The Redskins make a lot of sense from a football standpoint (division rival to both the Cowboys and Eagles, need for a big-time receiver, good, young QB who can get the ball downfield), but financially, they probably just can’t hack it. The Raiders at $653,000 under, the Buccaneers at $5.1 mil under, the Titans at $6.2 mil under and the Chiefs at $7.3 mil under, all also likely fall into this category. Though Owens to the Raiders would be one of those beautiful, enigmatic Al Davis signings.
That whittles the list to a slim 19 teams. Of the remaining 19, a handful can be eliminated from a strictly football standpoint. The Seahawks recent signing of TJ Houshmandzadeh likely deflates their interest. The Bengals can barely handle Chad Johnson, so I seriously doubt they would take much interest in yet another PR and locker room headache. The Broncos still have Brandon Marshall, despite his pending legal problems, so they seem set at WR. The Lions have a young Calvin Johnson, who I doubt they want to concern themselves with lessening his looks.
Furthermore, Owens will likely refuse to sign with any team who isn’t a Super Bowl contender or a player or two away from being one. This would eliminate the Texans, Jets, Bills, Saints, Rams, Jaguars, Browns, and Packers.
So this narrows our list to 7 lucky finalists: Patriots, Giants, Bears, Chargers, Falcons, Ravens, and Panthers.
1) Patriots:
Moss and T.O.?! Holy shit. Brady may throw 90 TDs. But could they share the spotlight? Doubtful. T.O. does seem like the kind of pick-up the Pats would take a flyer on, even though they don’t really have a need at WR. Even still, the addition of Owens would only make the Pats passing attack that much more indefensible… and they are good enough to win the SB just about every year of late.
Percentage of signing: 20%
2) Giants:
From a football standpoint, this would make a helluvalotta sense considering the pending legal problems of Plaxico Burress. T.O. would get his wish of playing on a SB contender and with a QB who can not only get him the ball, but is a proven winner as well. And if there’s a bigger stage than the Big Apple and playing for the New York football Giants, it is unbeknownst to me. Plus, what better way for the Giants to get a dig on their division foes?
Percentage of signing: 50%
3) Bears:
This would be an interesting option. The stage is certainly big enough. The team is certainly good enough. The need is there. But QB play may be an issue. Also, the Bears offense is much more conservatively operated, with a heavy dose of Matt Forte on a weekly basis, which may be unattractive to Owens.
Percentage of signing: 10%
4) Chargers:
This one is kind of mind bending. On the one hand, this would make a lot of football sense. Rivers really emerged last year as a top-tier NFL QB. The Chargers have several good receivers, but not one definitive playmaker at the position. They are built for now and ready to make a SB run. They throw the ball around a good deal, despite the presence of Ladanian Tomlinson and T.O. wants to play in an offense with other weapons. But, the front office’s issues with L.T. make you wonder how they would even dream of handling a player like T.O. This could be a perfect fit. Or something that blows up their face… quickly.
Percentage of signing: 45%
5) Falcons:
It’s tempting to eliminate the Falcons from the get go because of the presence of Roddy White (much like we did with the Lions). However, the two teams are in distinctly different situations. The Falcons made the playoffs last season (and played the SB runner-up damn close, we might add) and could potentially be a player or two away from being a legitimate threat. White and T.O. would make a dynamic duo on the outside. The Falcons are certainly looking to upgrade their offensive weapons. Ryan is a smart, young QB, who seems to be the heir apparent to the face of the league once the Mannings and Bradys of the world pass into history. The Falcons run a balanced offense, which may be a turn off to Owens, who wants the damn ball. Also, can he play with another receiver who is an equal to or greater than threat than he at this point in his career? Couple that with the relative obscurity of playing in Atlanta and the fact that we’ve only seen one season of Matt Ryan and this seems like an unlikely destination for Owens.
Percentage of signing: 12%
6) Ravens:
Ah ha, now here’s a team that makes sense. Owens was nearly traded to the Ravens several years ago, before inking with the Eagles. He has a friendship with Ray Lewis, who has the type of personality that could keep him in line (maybe?). They are a perennial playoff contender and while it may not be a massive market, it’s certainly not a small one either. Two glaring issues would be the Ravens ball-control offense and the uncertainty of a rookie QB. But hell, even as much as they run it, if they had Owens, he would be who they threw to. He’d get plenty of looks and touches and Flacco’s arm ranks up there among best in the league in terms of strength. This move makes a lot of sense. One I’d keep my eye on, for sure.
Percentage of signing: 60%
7) Panthers:
Pairing T.O. with Steve Smith would be downright scary. Honestly. Delhomme has taken this team to the Super Bowl, though his play of late wouldn’t be any indicator of that. But there’s a lot of reasons this move doesn’t make sense. For starters, the flip side of the two previously mentioned. Could he work with Steve Smith? Would he be confident Delhomme could get him the ball? Not to mention the run, run, run, run, run offense the Panthers like to run and the tough personality of head coach John Fox… really, this just doesn’t make sense.
Percentage of signing: 2%
There you have it. If we had to put our money on it today, I’d lay down a solid Benjamin on the Ravens. But I wouldn’t shut my eyes on the Giants… there could be something there. This saga should be an interesting one to unfold.

I remember flying back from Chicago in 1999 to Oklahoma City, listening to Jimmy Eat World's record Clarity, and being utterly caught by its beauty and innovation. Reading the lyric from "For Me This Is Heaven" emblazoned on the disc (we still used discs to listen to music, and portable disc players kids), and being a bit befuddled by it, but coming to understand it later on: "Can you still feel the butterflies?" Oddly, the total runtime of the record was listed next to it, and that was it.

So when JEW announced the 10x10 tour, to celebrate the 10 years (!) since the record was released (and subsequently, foolishly ignored) by Capitol Records, I bought the nearest ticket as soon as it became available. There was no negotiation about it. I was attending.

Clarity is, for many people in their twenties and thirties, a zenith in the period's indie rock, or as it was less PC-called then, emocore. This is a time when Fall Out Boy would have been mocked, and not referred to as "emo," somewhere along the way the plot was lost. Yet when Clarity came out, it was an innovator in the mix of music streaming from the roots of Fugazi, Rites Of Spring, Christie Front Drive, Cap N' Jazz, Sunny Day Real Estate, Jawbox, and the like, a diverse group of music ranging from catchy to angular, all roughly related by the scene they were in, and by most being a movement in "post-punk," where punk aesthetic was stretched into melody and dynamics, both often understated in punk rock at the time.

The record pushed at the boundaries mostly in its epic scale (some longer songs), and in the use of electronic and orchestral layers, something definitely not done at the time in any coherent sense. Rocket From The Crypt had some horns, but this was another monster entirely. Radiohead was pushing these boundaries in a little more mainstream scene, but the use of samplers was pretty anathema among indie rock at the time. Clarity changed this for good. Like wise, "A Sunday" used the now ridiculous Auto-Tune for a BGV, way before Cher ever did, in a tasteful, vocoder way, more Daft Punk than T-Pain.

Yet the album's emotional depth and quality of composition is what lodged it in the hearts of so many young people of the turn of the century. It is the soundtrack to the times, deeply personal and reflective on social themes, leaning towards mysterious lyrics that helped to keep it from being solely based on relationship woes or railing against the consumer culture. "Lead my skeptic sight" was coupled with "Turn off your radio!" For me personally, no record is as complete since this one, in theme, imagery, soulfulness, earnestness, and musical experimenting with pop craftsmanship.

So the live show.

The Ogden Theater in Denver was a great venue of a couple of thousand people, a wraparound balcony (where I stood), and decent sound. The band came out after the excellent Reuben's Accomplice, and played right down the album, just as advertised.

The mellow start to Clarity, "Table For Glasses," was fitting to slow burn the utter thrill for so many of hearing this album in this way. The final arching chorus was sung along with by everyone, including me, and I never do that crap.

The next few songs blistered by, "Lucky Denver Mint" obviously landing well, and inspiring some good movement among the older folks there, right on through "Your New Aesthetic," the dissonant rant against corporate radio, "Believe In What You Want," the dancey anthem that always sounds good live, to "A Sunday," which inspired the most singing thus far into the night, even in its mid-tempo romp, a sobering and fairly mature tale of rudely waking up to Saturday's excess.

Then came "Crush," the song most like Jimmy Eat World's talent for catchy punk that permeated Static Prevails and the 7" work, and would go on to be refined for the years of success following the rise of "The Middle." "Crush" has a great energy boost in the middle of the record, and was so for the evening as well.

"12.23.95" was an odd enough interlude in the record, though it is so simple and lovely that many folks have had it as a favorite, and it was the case that evening, as it effectively chilled things before leading into one of the best songs of the record.

"Just Watch The Fireworks" began with Jim Adkins grabbing a bow and looping a quick Sigur Ros moment of bowed Telecaster, and then launching into the epic song. This tune is one of the best examples of the face-front emotional earnestness that the record is loved for, though in today's indie rock, the lack of ironic detachment would gain criticism. The song effectively simmers at a medium pace until the long outro, growing to a whisper and electric guitar, then launching into the soaring jam underneath the high notes Jim effectively and tightly sang: "I'll stay up as late as it takes."

Then came what most folks consider the finest song on the record, and what is probably my favorite song that anyone has written: "For Me This Is Heaven," a fairly delicate tune built around the aforementioned line: "can you still feel the butterflies/can you still hear the last goodnight?"

This song shows the band at their subtle best, with the bass/drum groove defining the last chorus of the song from the rest of the song simply by opening up their notes to longer ones, from the bouncy groove of the rest of the song. The well-layered vocals, and the simple arrangement give an immense emotional weight to the end of the bridge into the last chorus-the high point of the entire album, cleverly wedged into the end of the middle, so time is left to come down from the experience without leaving it.

The whole night the band seemed happy to be there, and simply enjoying the time, rather than being uber-hyped or mellow, and before "For Me This Is Heaven" Jim announced this was one of his "favorite songs to play for you guys," and no one there could deny its special craft.

From there, the two rock songs following, "Blister" and "Clarity" were highly charged by the crowd and the band, clearly caught up in both release from the previous tune and expectation of the final piece. "Blister" showed the band still able to play rock music, and I mean Rock Music, aggressive, intelligent, and full of great hooks and energy.

So the night came to the end with the much-anticipated "Goodbye Sky Harbor," a melancholy and 17 minute long rumination on both personal thoughts and A Prayer For Owen Meany.

"Goodbye Sky Harbor" featured many things out of the normal for this scene of music, including a very patient and looping coda, growing incrementally with Jim's vocals, little notes here and there of "nah nah nah," and "do do do." Live, he did all of this with a loop station on the ground, ditching the acoustic guitar and dancing around half-nervously, half-caught up in the music, looping bit by bit as the section grew and grew under the band's patient playing. Tom turned to play organ and bell samples, putting away his looped guitar, and Zach played the repetitive drum section on a small snare, mimicking the sounds of the actual record.

As a piece of rock music, it was hard to surpass, utterly lovely and sublime, all in the humble setting of a rock band, as the band cut out for the vocal layers to linger before launching into an amazingly moving recreation of the House-y disintegration of the song that occurs on the record. They played it all, with Zach's fiery Drum & Bass fills, Jim dancing all about the stage, playing the descending Glockenspiel line and singing "I am but one small instrument" over the climaxing jam.

As you can hopefully tell, this was a once-in-a-lifetime event for fans of this record and this band, regardless of how one feels about the music that followed Clarity. The ability of a now middle aged band to bring this much maturity and energy to a ten year old record was inspiring and completely a gift to all who came. I urge you to listen to this album if you have yet to, and if you have, listen again, in its entire length, savoring the astounding piece of music that it is.

The intertubes have provided the opportunity for a biological term to find a new life. "Meme" is defined as "an element of a culture or system of behavior that may be considered to be passed from one individual to another by nongenetic means, especially imitation." If the internet has fried your brain, an internet meme is a phenomenon replicated throughout the internet via imitation. If you still don't get it, think to that lame 25 Random Things fad that took over Facebook for a few weeks. That's a meme, my friends, and, on the internet, memes make the world go round.

"Numa Numa," "Chocolate Rain," the Bill O'Reilly freak out: these are all internet memes. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, you friend are not attuned to the weird, the wonderful, the waste-of-times that make up the internet.

But, fear not, you too can be as "cool" as your neighborhood Internet Whore. Okay, not as cool as me, but the dorks in IT won't make that much fun of you anymore. Check out Greg Rutter's Definitive List of the 99 Things You Should Have Already Experienced on the Internet Unless You're a Loser or Old Something (http://www.youshouldhaveseenthis.com/). Enjoy the next three hours of mind-numbing internet education.

Just remember, this kid had a hell of a time

The internet is full of empty promises, one of which are the ubiquitous ads promising to teach you the secrets to getting upgraded to first/business class.  Of course, we all want to sit in front of the plane.  We all want to be the target of those envious looks of people streaming past us to the steerage compartment.  With a drink in one hand and your legs stretched, the skies are far more comfortable.  Your Local Internet Whore has flown in the front of the plane a few times and can report that the upgrade is worth it.

But let's be frank, unless you have several tens of thousands in your bank or frequently flyer account, you are not getting anywhere near first class.  And, please, don't be an asshole and just sit up there.  The flight attendants are far smarter than you.

Your next best bet is to avoid those really shitty seats in coach.  You know, the seats that don't recline or force you to enjoy the odiferous deposits of your fellow passengers in the lavatories. To the rescue, comes www.seatguru.com.  With seat maps and reviews of every seat on every major airline, you can sit in the "better" seats in coach and avoid the worst.  Without fail, your YLIW always checks the site before picking my seats.  Trust me, your life will be better though I cannot guarantee that the middle seat will be taken by the physical equivalent of two people, if you know what I mean.  Happy travels!

How legit are our music collections nowadays (yeah, I said nowadays - like a boss) when we literally have weeks and weeks worth of digitally-purchased, or even "pirated" music sitting on our hard drives? It used to be that people scoured record stores, garage sales, and swap meets to find rare and out-of-print albums to bolster their collections. Now they can sit on their ass-hugging la-z-boys and click through iTunes and Pirate Bay, instead of developing blisters by flipping through dusty record (CD?) bins. What's more, is that we have the music; just not the sources. There's nothing tangible - no physical disc, album art, or liner notes. It feels slightly cheapened.

In the age of bit torrents and music blogs it's easy to forget that nostalgic feeling of tearing through the annoying shrink wrap and clever sticky security device along the top of a brand new compact disc. I, for one, miss that feeling. I miss the album art and liner notes, part of the art that goes into making a record. In some cases, it's every bit as important and attractive as the music itself. I still try to buy physical CDs as much as I can, but I'm as "guilty" as anyone for downloading - even legally. But one thing's for sure: if this was even five years ago, my iTunes stats would definitely not read "6951 items, 53.4 days, 39.49 GB." I guess my real question is... Is it worth sacrificing tangibility to have access to so much more music, so much more easily? Thoughts or additions to the comments, please.

http://oklahomacity.craigslist.org/fuo/1043028899.html

Surely someone was doubly reprimanded for this little number on page 32 of The Intention Experiment.

http://www.billboard.com/bbcom/news/iha-carlos-hanson-schlesinger-form-band-1003942166.story

"Excuse me gentlemen but what is all the hub-bub about?"

If you’ve ever poured your own beer, chances are you’ve also cleaned your own counter top shortly after. It’s okay. I’ve been over-zealous with my pour more times than I’d care to admit, inevitably resulting in a mess of carbonated goodness that I have to soak up with a towel and ring into my mouth (not really). But the secret to great head is easier to tap than you might think.

There are only a few basic rules to follow when you’re about to down some suds:
1) Start off with a clean, chilled glass (make sure there isn’t any detergent residue, lipstick, etc.).
2) Pop the cap off your favorite brew, also chilled.
3) Begin by holding the glass at a 45° angle and slowly pouring the beer so that it hits the side of the glass about an inch from the lip.
4) When it’s about 2/3 full, straighten out the glass and continue pouring the beer directly in the middle.
5) Enjoy your head-stache.

Your approach will vary with different beer types. A pilsner, for instance, will produce a lot of head with little effort while a stout will need a little more coaxing with a more aggressive pour. Adjust accordingly – you’re looking for a ½” to 1” head.

Here’s a little video for reference (sorry -- I cut it short before we got a good look at the head):

Gentleman, there are just a few vital rules we all must follow.

1. Do not wear white socks with black pants . . . ever!

2. Be sophisticated; do not end your sentences with a preposition.

3. Sweat pants worn outside the home are the equivalent of a white flag; they are a walking advertisement that you have ceased to give a shit.

4. Nowadays, the outmoded notions of chivalry are just tacky; be a man but be a bit of a feminist too.

5. Most importantly and in slight violation of #4, bros before hos.

If you need a remedial education in bros before hos (BBH), see the following musical presentation.  You'll laugh and learn something too.

-Your Local Internet Whore

So recently I noticed the fact that Sean Astin might be the actor of our times. I was moved to this by randomly, not on purpose, taking in several of his films over the past few weeks, and noticing the actual breadth of what our neurotic little Samwise Gamgee has done.

Let's take Goonies, this first example.



Sean Astin plays Mikey, an inhaler-wielding visionary, who is both fearless and always a bit overexcited. He seems more aware of the Gooines spot in the social ladder than some (Data seems clueless, but genius), but he also does not let that keep him down. He is consumed with the quest for One-Eyed Willy's gold, and knows how to surround himself with useful folks. His relentless optimism and drive inspired an entire generation, and it is hard to reach the end of the movie and not feel just a bit driven to spend some more time pursuing one's seemingly impossible, or childish, but ultimately real, and worthwhile, dreams.

Then there is Rascal Moore, from Memphis Belle.



This is Sean Astin as the still-to-come breakout role, whose spicy personality lends some noob quotes and innocence for us to remark at as the tragic and heroic are wrapped up in the historic bombing run captured in this film. His role as the thankless ball-turret gunner is a placement for all of us in a frightening and claustrophobic experience, and his quick wit and backtalking presage the smart ass he is to become in the following films.

Now let's go to Toy Soldiers.



This movie flew under a lot of a radars, though it is a decently wrought action film, and has Louis Gossett, Jr. in it. Here Astin plays Billy Tepper, another "reject" like a Goonie, but this time a spoiled kid at a private school who is always up to pranks, and is at loggerheads with the headmaster. Yet when terrorists take over the school for ransom, Tepper shows his smarts and bravery by concocting a pretty genius plan, using the avenues and secret passages he found as a delinquent. This presages Harry Potter doing the same thing by a couple of decades. This is Astin as his crassest (like hacking into a phone line for a 900 number), but also his most heroic, until Lord Of The Rings.

Of course, my favorite of the Astin films is the following:


This is the fun side of Astin, sort of like the Ocean's Eleven movies, where actors in normally more taxing roles just kind of have fun around one another. What else will you do with Pauly Shore at his apex? Just let the fun happen and be your normal, neurotic self, playing the square, while those around you show you how to party for real.

Of course, everyone's hero is still:



This is a surprise for those who had not known Astin since Goonies, but for folks who know Toy Soldiers, they are aware that Astin really does have acting chops, and can carry an underdog, or sidekick, into truly great territory. Often it is Astin as an opposing character, such as Dave in Encino Man or Samwise in LOTR, but this time it is Astin against Notre Dame football, a character in its own right, that needs to be overcome for the length of the film.

Finally, the full-circle character of Astin's, that cements him in the pantheon of great films and supporting actors:



The quality of the series helps every actor involved, even Elijah Wood induced skepticism until these films came out, and suddenly he is in a myriad art films like Everything Is Illuminated and Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind. Samwise is often the true hero in the whiny and even more neurotic Frodo's shadow. He is basically the one who triumphs over the ring's power at Mt. Doom, and is all along a stubborn and curious foil to the schemes of everyone around Frodo, including the Ring, and Gollum. Astin brings the innocent, boyish character here, as in all of his work, but he also imbues a sadness and melancholy that fit with the surprising darkness of the stories, wisely kept in the films.

So. I encourage everyone to head out and rent your favorite Astin film, and pay honor to the surprising film hero of our time.

As all of you are aware the Apple in-ears just didn’t cut it; I took ‘em back. How heartless of me. Fellow CarbonStater, Bryce, informed me that Guitar Center was selling the white Shure SCL 3’s for $60 this weekend. $60, aren't they regularly $140? $60??!!!! I had to acquire them.

These in-ears are exactly what I expected. They sound pretty good and block outside noise very well. This model only comes with a single driver so the bass is a little thin but overall they have a rich sound. Shure gives you 4 completely different earpiece styles so you are bound to find one that fits. 

Bottom line – if you need in-ears these are a great buy.

F**** My Life

Every so often movie-goers are treated to a performance so visceral and guttural you are unsure if you should celebrate the beauty or wince at the absolute desperation of what you’ve just seen.


Last year, Daniel Day Lewis’ staggering portrayal of Daniel Plainview in There Will be Blood, dragged viewers through the blackness of the oil business—leaving them perhaps uneasy with what they had seen, but certain of its brilliance.




A performance of that nature is hardly surprising from an actor of Day Lewis’ stature. The same cannot be said for this year’s victory, Mickey Rourke. If fact, there’s a good reason you are probably more familiar with his extracurricular activities than his body of work. Rourke is probably best known for his work in the 80’s, but he’s recently returned to Hollywood stardom with his performance of Marv in the Frank Miller hit Sin City.



Even still, critics would scarcely consider Rourke a dynamic actor. He’s been often typecast as a sort of hard ass, womanizing, drug abusing violence monger. Which makes him perfectly suitable for the role of Randy “The Ram” Robinson (his wrestling alter-ego). However, what may catch viewers off guard is the surprising tenderness of Robin Ramzinski (his real life name).


Director Darren Aronofsky and screenwriter Robert D. Siegel perfectly craft Ramzinski, juxtaposing his savage wrestler persona against his battered real life personality. As an aging former superstar, “The Ram”, performs for crowds which seem to only favor the novelty of his ex-victorious nature. He’s a broken down, beaten down version of his formerly Apollonic self. The abscessed aspect of the character is where Rourke makes his money in the film.


Though Ram is a character of many flaws—steroid abuser, family abandoner, drug abuser, etc.—you are drawn to look with favor upon him. At the heart, Aronofsky is weaving a tale about self absorption and perhaps the grave dangers of such self-destructive behaviors. Ram is obsessed with attention, whether positive or negative. Now in the waning days of his wrestling career, post a heart attack which has rendered him unable to boost or wrestle any longer, he no longer has an outlet to achieve the interest he once did. So he seeks to reconnect to his daughter, Stephanie. However noble his intentions, it becomes apparent they are marred by his obvious hamartia. His quest to be reunited with Stephanie is only an exercise in vainglory—he wants only to restore his self worth through a new form of attention. Simultaneously he is attempting to begin a relationship with his stripper friend Cassidy (stage name)… which ultimately operates as a manifestation of another attempt to gain self worth.


Aronofsky illustrates this point beautifully in a subtle manner when Ram is forced to take a full-time job behind a deli counter. After beautifully framing his first day with a “triumphant” march down the tunnel utilizing diegetic sound within the tunnel and fading into non-diegetic fan cheering, Ram arrives behind the counter a bit bamboozled by where he’s arrived. This isn’t the wrestling ring he’s marching to any longer; he’s a simple deli clerk now. After realizing the mundanity of his situation, Ram begins to adapt his bigger than life personality in the way he takes order and handles customers. Soon, however, his flair loses its mystique and he’s once again just another guy behind the counter. At this point, Ram does something drastic to once again win favor. (If you haven’t seen the film, ignore the rest of this paragraph.) Ram jams his thumb into the meat grinder causing copious amounts of blood loss, which he proceeds to smear upon his apron and face. He runs out of the grocery store screaming “I quit!” “I’m done!” Here Aronofsky most overtly expresses the Ram’s festering need for attention.


Rourke’s performance commands the type of attention and applause it is receiving. The film is quite excellent, largely because of the way he is able to manipulate the audience into believing he is perhaps a noble-hearted lost soul searching only for the people’s elbow… of appreciation.

The internet.  The world wide web.  The interwebs.  A series of tubes.

We all know the joys, the depths of depravity, the utter banality of so much of the internet. Why waste your time looking for that perfectly useful, sublime, or ridiculous website?  Trust your local internet whore (that's me) to separate the wheat from the chaff every week and find some of the best of the nets.

Back when "Armageddon It" was a highlight of a live show, performed by long-permed British rock gods, with big-haired women of the 1980s drooling over very average-looking men, one could expect the magic of the live concert to transcend all boundaries, classes, races, or even to save those in need. This sense of camaraderie created the Live Aid shows and all manner of good-hearted live music sharing. To go see a concert was a big freaking deal, and worthy of an all-day celebration.



Even recently, live music as a special, a seriously sacred time shared between performers and participating songwriters, where something that could only happen once happened, has been replaced by the ticketed party atmosphere with a band playing behind your stupid club dancing or pub-crawling. Jeff Tweedy sums it up in the most perfect way possible:



Yet this week marked a new low point for the recording music industry and the live music industry. Live Nation and Ticketmaster, two of the most corpulent concert ticketing and festival creating forces in the US have merged, pending antitrust approval.

While the purchase may or may not happen, it is a good time to look briefly at the way concerts are done anymore, and to guess at how the moment of musical transcendence that Jeff described above could survive, if it can.

Ticketmaster and/or Live Nation will, up to this point, only be involved if there is a semi-to hugely popular artist or tour involved. If you are going to your local arena, probably Ticketmaster. I even had to buy from them, with their ridiculously inflated and feed-up prices for a small theater show in Denver, of Jimmy Eat World. The world of paying 100 bucks or more to see Madonna or Miley Cyrus might not interact much with music lovers, but to pay for mid-size theater shows or even largeish events like the Foo Fighters or Death Cab For Cutie will put you in their claws.

However, you can keep your local theaters alive and thriving by buying from the box office, or supporting local ticketing online, and going to smaller shows from up-and-coming artists, keeping that level of touring alive and moving. Artists make most of their scratch from this kind of show, where merch is sold direct, and tickets are handled through a booking company or label. This helps immensely, and the concert-goer is a participant in the art, an executive producer, in these cases.

All over the US, independent venues promote quality music, from Cain's Ballroom in Tulsa, OK, to Studio B in Brooklyn, to the Metro in Chicago. Keep your support for these places intact.

And when you do go to a show, be mindful of the people around you. Be polite in crowded spaces, be quiet in quiet shows. If you want to do any of the following:

1. pick up a guy/girl
2. get faded
3. dance up on a guy/girl (dance bands excluded from this)
4. hear your favorite songs
5. hear another band's favorite songs
6. talk
7. play pool
8. play guitar hero

Go to Henry Hudson's or your local misspelled on purpose club named Spyce or something. Don't go to a concert.

Remember, the man doesn't own you, he just owns most of the music markets. Enjoy music.

Dustin

Amazon refreshed its Kindle ebook reader today by introducing the Kindle 2. It has more memory, it reads to you and its thinner than an iPhone. The $359 price tag seems a little steep but it does come with lifetime 3G connectivity for downloading books in less than 10 seconds (it claims). Here is a great hands-on from the fine folks at Engadget.

Interested in reading the cool, digital way but don't have the extra cheese to spare? iPhone users can download the free "Stanza" app from the App Store. It comes with access to several sites that tout free ebooks (free app and free ebooks - I like!). No Jesus Phone? Anyone with a computer (and soon to be mobile device) can get their fix with Google Books.

Personally, I prefer a good ‘ol fashion paperback…

Have some extra cash laying around? Well then head over to Uncrate, a "buyer's guide for men" that details 5 new products everyday. I dare you to buy everything.

Sources have confirmed with CarbonStated.com that 14-time Olympic Gold Medal winner Michael Phelps was diagnosed with “closed angle” glaucoma just days after his dramatic Olympic performance. Doctors say that Phelps’ memorable race when water poured into his goggles may have caused enough stress to the surface of his eye ball to induce intraocular pressure, a significant risk factor for glaucoma. The condition worsened over the next several days and Phelps was officially diagnosed after their final gold medal race. He refused medical treatment until that point, despite complaining of severe “[eye]ball pain.” Sources say Phelps was secretly disgusted at the near nonstop NBC love fest with his face and felt his “[eye]ball pain” would only worsen the situation.




Since the Olympics, Phelps has adopted a rigorous and methodical Cannabisian treatment, which includes up to and often over 8 oz. of marijuana a day. Naturally, Phelps’ Kobayashi-like appetite has increased ten fold. He now consumes twice that of which NBC depicted during the Summer Games.


Doctors have specifically prescribed “Acapulco gold” as Phelps’ herbal treatment. When evidence surfaced earlier this week of Phelps undergoing treatment on a medical device commonly known as a “bong,” rumors quickly shot around regarding Phelps’ recreational activities. Chaz Heckleman, a 22-year-old who attended the party, said Phelps was not “gratuitous in his usage” and clearly explained to all in attendance that this was “FOR [HIS] [EYE]BALLS!”


Phelps has identified his dealer as one, Dr. Markus B. Jassole.


Special Commentary


Does America really care if Michael Phelps smokes weed? I say no. Why?



Because it doesn’t matter if you like grass, if you can swim damn fast. It doesn’t matter if you toke, when you got a kick ass breast stroke. No one cares if you are blazing a blunt… if you are blazing a trail of Olympic history with it. No one cares if you are smoking a j, if you’re smoking the competition also. So you like to French inhale? Doesn’t matter as long as you keep making the French fail.


Fact is, in America, we honor winners. No one cared that Mike Tyson was crazy, until he started to suck. No one cared that Troy Aikman was gay, until he got 42 concussions. No one cared that Santonio Holmes dealt weed, and he was Super Bowl MVP. Everybody loves Barry Bonds, even though he’s a spousal abuser. Everyone think MJ’s the best, and he’s got a gambling problem. Hell, no one said anything about Magic using his HIV to beat Larry.


The world counts on winners. In America, all that matters is winning. Our former President is a prime example of this. Who cares how you got there… you won.

Frankly, I’m tired of the nonstop discussions concerning the legality, morality, technicality and mentality of this Olympic great. Mr. Phelps is a winner, America, leave him alone.

I am ashamed to admit this…there was a period in my life when I didn’t like female lead singers in bands. There, I said it.

Here is a list of bands/singer songwriters that made me change my mind:

Frou Frou – with soft vocal intricacies and swirling ethereal melodies, Imogen Heap & Guy Sigsworth had me at “hello”

Feist – I first heard her singing on a few tracks on a Kings of Convenience album. She has a smooth, breathy voice that’s can be as powerful as it is fragile…after I saw her live, I was hooked.

School of Seven Bells – moving, meaningful pop at its finest. The harmonies that the Deheza sisters create are other worldly.

Tegan and Sara - call it indie or not…another sister duo that produce A) great songs B) great melodies C) great production minded sensibilities. They are total musical package.

The Bird and The Bee – in the same vain as Frou Frou, singer Inara George teams up with a great producer and churns out hook laden songs full of texture and moodiness.

Gemma Hayes – I’m not even 100% sure how to pronounce her first name, but she could possibly go done as one of my all time favorites. You know where I found out about her? Right here on this very blog…imagine that…thanks Dustin!

wow...all my posts have lists.

The Welcome Wagon
Welcome To The Welcome Wagon
2009 Asthmatic Kitty



Music by couples can be immediately discarded by critics and listeners for its immediate preciousness, but this is based in some sort of macho or bohemian assumption that marriage or commitment is anathema to creative freedom, and posited by folks who probably don't know what kind of intense dynamic intense commitment is. If there is was ever a source of creative tension, there is one in relationship.


The Welcome Wagon is a husband and wife (Vito and Monique) pastor team in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and though one cannot first find the tension located in their tunes, it turns out to be located in terms of spiritual tension, between what we assume to be the divide between heave and earth, often enhanced by spiritual music.

With the Welcome Wagon we find that tension erupting in the warm glow of these rooted in daily life and work tunes colliding with a sense of traditional hymn modes and provincial spiritual folk songs. The music is very innocent in its simplicity and happiness, and can tend to feel bubbly in the front half of the record a bit. This brightness is well balanced by the second half, where "I Am A Stranger" marks the albums strongest point, finding a strong, dark musical backing to a heavy story of finding the divine in the shattered earth's milieu. The manic guitar solos under the aching choir feels like a Southern dirge and moonshine-jam filling a Brooklyn meeting hall, full of fear and trembling, cascading into a chaos-jam under the words "everything's alright, yes, everything's alright..."

The album's production by Sufjan Stevens certainly feels akin to his own work at times, more than others ("Hail To The Lord's Anointed" could be a Seven Swans outtake, and that is a good thing), the record still develops a folky sense that sets it apart from the more chamber-worthy Glassisms of Sufjan's work. However, Vito's quiet tenor is a dead-ringer for Sufjan's (who sings at times also).

When much liturgical music is either aping U2 endlessly in energetic, but mega-hyped anthems, or retreating into lovely but inscrutable ancientness, The Welcome Wagon offer a pretty compelling branch of style, with well thought lyrics that do not speak down to a congregation's intelligence, but still enact a very humble interaction with the Holy, lacking pretense, and full of joy with sorrow, how the Gospel appears.

When Jobsey announced Apple’s upcoming In-Ear Headphones back in September it seemed like the stars had aligned. After months and months of dealing with adapters for my 1^st gen iPhone’s headphone jack, I was ready to part ways with the 3-inch chord adapter thorn in my side.  There had already been several options available such as V-Moda’s Vibes and Ultimate Ears 4vi’s which came with a mic and a button to answer/end calls, but none seemed to tickle my fancy. Apple had attempted once to make in-ears, but failed miserably. They couldn’t screw up twice could they? After all, they aren’t Microsoft…

These babies were supposed to ship at the end of October ’08 and actually not suck (paraphrasing).  Long story short, they were delayed until December and I finally picked them up in January. I’ve had some time to listen to varying genres of music with them…here are my thoughts...

Fit – I can’t get these damn things to stay snug! A tight seal is the key to good in-ears, it helps round out the low end response and blocks outside noise. After messing with them for about 5 minutes I got the best fit I could…as long as I didn’t turn my head. One review I read for these asked if Apple designed thm for motionless use.

Sound – they actually sound pretty good. Low end is of course a bit weak but mids are smooth and highs are crisp (not shrill). If you listen to hip-hop, rap, etc. you will be very disappointed.

Design – The chord is made out of a different material than traditional iPod headphones. The result is a tangle free wearing (or pocket) experience.  One big plus - the chord isn’t a mile long. For whatever reason, other in-ear makers must think people want to listen to music in one room and leave their iPod in the other.

Overall – an in-ear that doesn’t fit is no friend of mine. For $80 I don’t expect the world but I do expect a good fit and decent low end. These didn’t have either. Three days after purchasing I returned them to the Apple Store.

Maybe I will get the Grados after all…

We here at Carbon Stated would be remiss if we neglected to mention the universally decreed best sports event of the year. That's right, it's Super Bowl time. Here's 10 essentials to ensuring you will be the smartest guy at your Super Bowl party.



1) Become fluent with each team's roster.

Sure, any old joe can name Ben Roethlisberger and Kurt Warner. But you can stop the party by dropping your knowledge of Karlos Dansby and Chike Okeafor. Claim they were underrated all year and really deserved Pro Bowl spots. Everyone will surely think you are "in the know."

2) Study some wikipedia pages.

Be the cool guy that can drop the little known nugget that Larry Fitz was a ball boy for the Minnesota Vikings. You'll turn some heads.

3) Research rumored commercials

You'll win early favor by mentioning a commercial you have "read all about". When it's a hit, you're in the money. If it's a dud, mention how they really f'd the end game.

4) Memorize the last 7 Super Bowl winners

Inevitably this question will arise at some point in the evening. If you can be the handy football encyclopedia with victors, losers and a true sensei with scores, people will defer to you for the rest of the evening.

5) Hindsight is 20/20

After the game, declare the winner to be the team you called after pre-season week 1. Some grandiose embellishment may be involved.

6) Arm chair coach

Always second guess bad coaching moves with your expert suggestions. If you are lucky enough for those things to work later in the game, you are on your way to Super Bowl party stardom.

7) Beat the announcers to the punch

Go for generic statements that the announcers are likely to make... just moments before they do. When the announcer mutters similar words, you'll be lauded for being ahead of them and people will speculate of your chances to be a top flight NFL announcer.

8) Make fun of John Madden

Frankly, no one likes John Madden. The more you make fun, the bigger hit you will be. (Warning: Try not to return to the well too often. Repeated jokes are still bad jokes.)

9) Propose wild future hypotheticals.

These always garner discussion. "Big Ben: Most clutch QB ever?" "Warner: Best story ever?" "Larry Fitz: Better than Jerry Rice?" "Edgerrin James: NFL MVP next season?"

10) Make your friends rewind to something you "saw".


Finally, this is kind of your ace in the hole. Pay attention to aspects of the game other normally wouldn't. Like the offensive line. When you see a huge play, take notice of a holding. At the opportune time, drop this on those involved and you will be an instant success. For the next 20 years people will remember how the Cardinals should have had 7 fewer points because there was a blatant missed holding call on Levi Brown at the bottom of the screen that allowed Warner just enough time to throw it up to Larry FitzBoldin.


There you have it. You will either a) Be the Super Bowl party hit, or b) Be that jack ass that never gets invited back again. Check in next year and let us know..

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

Like what you read? Hate it? Let us know...leave a comment!

Need to learn how to be strange, clean dirty sneakers or host a Hawaiian party? You're in luck. Stop by WikiHow, I guarantee you will be a better person for it.

I think it’s safe to say that most of us now have a touch of metrosexuality in our veins.  Whether you wear lip balm, get “pedis,” or watch Sex and the City by yourself, there’s practically nothing you can do to avoid this stigma anymore.  So why not embrace it by introducing a skincare regimen into your routine?  It’s easy, and the ladies will love you.  Think Axe Body Spray commercial without the lethal fumes and crippling hangover after application.

*Now, this is a very basic rundown, as there is a myriad of products out there for your ugly mug. But for our purposes, basic = good. If you're serious about it, though, you should research a little on your own. Primarily, find out what skin type you were blessed (cursed?) with, so that you can get products that are more suited to your needs.  Everything you need can be found on MenEssentials (products, guides, etc.).

In the world of facial health, there is a holy trinity: cleanse, tone, moisturize. Add these three simple steps to your morning routine and you'll be set.

1) Cleanse

Duh. This is the simplest of all the steps, and you probably already do it anyway. The key here is choosing the right soap for your face. You don't want something that's too drying and strips away essential oils, but you also don't want your face glistening like a tub of baby oil at Covergirls on fight night. Balance is key. The Glycerin Cleansing Bar from Anthony Logistics is a good place to start.

2) Tone

Few guys are familiar with this one.  Toning takes cleansing one step further by removing the dirt and build-up that mere soap can’t tackle while evening out the complexion.  Apply toner after shaving to get rid of that excess goo your shaving cream and razor leave behind.  It’s also important to strike the proper balance here.  Look for something that suits your skin type (i.e. for sensitive skin, oily skin, dry skin, etc.). Try Sharps’ Daily Prep Skin Tuner.

3) Moisturize

This one’s the kicker.  It’s the one that scared me the most, since I have relatively oily skin, but turns out it’s the most important.  A proper moisturizer will keep your face looking youthful by attacking wrinkles and protecting it from other harmful crap.  The Oil Free Moisterizer from Baxter of California is just what the doctor ordered.

From here you can add other products and steps at your discretion.  Throw in a good face scrub twice a week (a personal favorite is the Face Buff Energizing Scrub by Jack Black), or use a clear shaving gel that won’t clog your pores and allows you to actually see the hair you’re shaving.  The possibilities really are endless.

Andrew Bird
Noble Beast
2009 Fat Possum

In "Anonanimal," my favorite track so far from Andrew Bird's awaited and satisfying new record, he manages to compress all of the exciting elements of his music and wordplay into one tune very well. Let's look at those layers briefly: The title suggests anonymity, a disappearing human like one worker bee in New York City or something like that. Yet in the song he sets himself apart from nature "red in tooth and claw" by calling out a "sea anemone, and that'll be the death of me," and he turns later to saying he will "become this animal/perfectly adapted to music halls...a non-animal," and this turn of phrase seems to decry now the losing touch with our natural sides for the sake of high-class ideas. Yet in the midst of all of this zoology, he launches us back to a small moment with the moment of radio surfing in the car: "hold on just a second/I know this one..."

The haunting, dark flow of the filtered violins and acoustic guitar lends a sense of foreboding to the entire tune, even when the pops of the snappy percussion come in midway through the song. Something is amiss with even being human, or something is amiss with the world around us, and who knows what it actually is, buried in all of this whimsy.

The key to fully absorbing Andrew Bird is to take the whole picture in, and let it confuse when it does, let it make sense when it does, whether lyrically or musically, in his wild blend of chamber pop and semi-throwback rock and folk. He understands that language has a sound itself, that words are valuable for their signifiers and also their sounds in themselves. Glottals are toms and bass drums, sibilance is a cymbal crashing, and palatals are snare drums.

Which brings us to the new record, Noble Beast. As I have not had too much time to soak with it, who knows how it will shape the rest of the year, but I do have to say the immediate picture I get from it is one of a whole "sound," or "style" within the confines of the one album, rather than the long distance changes of temperature and timbre from Armchair Apocrypha, which I loved.

So it lends Noble Beast both a warm, round sound, full of classic sounds, much less of Dosh's more electronic layers, and more of the washes of percussion. The violin still holds a prominent place, even more so on this record than the last, but there is also more of a sense of rock and roll happening, in a vintage sense. Less melodic guitar shows up, like the odd runs from older songs like "Skin Is, My," and "Plasticities," and more rhythm guitar abounds.

I cannot decide yet if this then makes Noble Best feel more like a monochromatic album than one with simply a coherent style within its own borders. Whatever the case, Noble Beast is well worth the listen, and for fans it will be an exciting and valuable journey along some of the most mature and complete feeling tunes Andrew has written yet.

Oscar nominations dropped last week, so let's take a brief but all-encompassing look at the awards that anyone really actually cares about.

Actress in a Supporting Role:

This one barely makes the cut, because most people don't even really care about best actress (or the fact that Meryl Streep is the winningest nominee ever, any gender). But with a female Secretary of State it's only fitting we pay homage to the ladies.

Of the 5 nominees I've seen a grand total of 0 minutes of any one of the four films the actresses have been nominated from. Judging by history, movies with 2 actresses nominated in this same category typically don't win. So this is not the year for Amy Adams or Viola Davis. This award rarely goes to that out of nowhere sensation, so that more or less rules out Taraji P. Henson.

So that leaves us with Marisa Tomei and Penelope Cruz. Due to the fact that The Wrestler is hitting buzz stage right now... I'm going with Tomei.

My prediction: Marisa Tomei

Actor in a Supporting Role:

This category has a major fastball in Robert Downey Jr. Everyone knows the Academy takes themselves super seriously, and the inclusion of a strictly comedy performance rarely, if ever graces the noms. In fact, the last true comedy to have an actor nominated was City Slickers, and somehow Jack Palance won.

In this case, I've seen each film except the aforementioned Doubt. Michael Shannon doesn't have enough screen time to earn the nod. Brolin was solid, as always, but nothing really screamed award about his performance. I can't speak for Hoffman, though he's always good. Between the final two of Ledger and Downey Jr. I think the academy follows suit with the Golden Globes and Heath wins the award.

My Prediction: Heath Ledger

Actress in a Leading Role:

This award is such a mixed bag. Of late it seems to be rewarding a fast rising star (mostly): Marion Cotillard, Reese Witherspoon, Charlize Theron, Halle Berry. Anne Hathaway and Melissa Leo both fit this mold, unfortunately neither star in films that enough people will see to really garner them recognition. Streep is there... always will be. Though she's been nominated several times, I don't think anyone takes Angelina Jolie seriously as an actress... I've yet to be proven wrong.

Interestingly that leaves us with Kate Winslet, who won the Golden Globe for best actress... but for a different performance.

My Prediction: Kate Winslet

Actor in a Leading Role:

No explanation necessary. Mickey Rourke. Role of a lifetime. Crazy ass story. He's gonna win.

My Prediction: Mickey Rourke


Best Director:

I like the mixed bag of candidates for this award. All have done some truly fantastic work and all are really distinctly different types of directors. Van Sant typically sticks to more obscure, smaller budget films. Howard on the other hand is the king of the realist blockbuster. Fincher is known for his tales of corrupted humanity. Boyle is all over the map genre-wise. Daldry excels in the serious, moral dramas with sexual undertones.

In this case, Slumdog is just carrying too much momentum to be denied.

My Prediction: Danny Boyle

Best Picture:

Coincidentally, the 5 Best Pictures are the films from the 5 Best Directors. I will save my extended praise for my prediction for a later date, but as I previously mentioned, I have a hard time imagining that Slumdog will do any less than complete it's mercurial rise with the illustrious Best Picture award.

My Prediction: Slumdog Millionaire

The lights are dimmed. The fog machines are cranked to 11. Roadies franticly duct tape mic chords to the ground.  This is the night you have waited for…until, WFT?? An ice-cold bud light (or any domestic beer, we don’t discriminate) streams down your neck and back. Great, there goes the vintage tee that you specifically ordained to be apart of this night.  The show is over (for you) before it begins thanks to some jackass and his butterfingers. Hopefully The Dixie Chicks don’t see you as you take the walk of shame to the exit.

Attending a show (or “concert”, we will use show for our purposes) is more than just standing there listening to music. You are assigned a very important task upon entering the venue. Ready? Here is it. DON’T RUIN THE SHOW FOR ANYONE ELSE! As simple as this seems, many people struggle to keep themselves and their cold ones in check. Save yourself the embarrassment and remember the following rules:

If you are tall, do not stand in the front. Sorry, looks like we do discriminate. I know it’s not your fault…but it doesn’t matter. Do us all a favor and stand in the back or on the sides…or kneel.

If you plan on enjoying some ice-cold refreshment, BE CAREFUL. Drink enough so you feel good, but put on the brakes beyond that. No one wants to see your beer hurled at them while you are giggling hysterically.

Do NOT yell at the band while they’re onstage. When the band is done with a song, the last thing they or anyone else wants to hear is you test out your newfound drunk confidence. To the guy who yelled, “Did they make you chip in for gas?” to the opening band for Death Cab for Cutie, you suck. I’ve been waiting 3 years to tell you that.

Have some sort of knowledge of who you are seeing and what songs they play. Nothing is more annoying than, “Hey, what song is this?”, “Hey, what was this song again?” “Sorry, but I don’t remember what you just said, what is the name of the song that the band on stage is currently playing?” “Wait, what band is this? Where are they from? What song is this?”

See, that wasn’t so hard.  You’ll be not pissing people off in no time!

*please disregard the list when attending a show by this band.

"Dude, I didn't pick this. It's on random"
"Well then why the f**k do you have it on your computer?"
"G.P."

if you've ever had this conversation with a friend, know this: you are not alone. like many others, i've reached a breaking point in my relationship with my itunes library. this is the make or break part of the relationship where the library either straightens up, or i send my musical concubines packing. it's not even itunes itself. it's the sum of the parts. as i am typing this, "phil collins - against all odds", is playing, randomly. is this really necessary? why would i want to listen to phil collins when there is a slew of new music that deserves my attention. i incessantly curate my itunes library, but only in a punctuational, grammatical way, not a varsity/JV/your-ass-is-cut way. this needs to change. i hope the 5 steps i offer can be implemented to impact your library in a positive way. i hope these steps serve to squelch the frustration associated with maintaining a listenable library, while facilitating your musical maturation process, in the process. and i hope you note that this post is not intended to berate or belittle any artist, or the music they crappily create. i've come to realize that not every band/artist/style of music is for everyone, and that is fine. so i am not here to tell you who or what to keep on board your sonic ship. if you're anything like me, chances are your music acquisition modus operandi has been dominated by a quantity over quality mantra for some time now. in my case, a 2008 new year's resolution had me gunning for 10K songs before the year was out. maybe you had similar aspirations. i made it, but was i a lesser listener because of it? of course. the shear volume of songs in my possession clouded my ability for musical recall of such albums that are worth the listen i oft forget about. albums such as "dodos - visiter", haphazardly lost in a vast sea of uninspiring and tired music. the time for change has come. brethren, we have sojourned through our own ragtime dark ages only to behold the musical renaissance and resurgence that is uncheck/transfer/delete.

preamble aside, legitimate questions forefront. how many times have you responded when questioned about your listening tendencies of so and so by saying "no, but i've been wanting to." what's stopping you? a year ago my answer would have been Harry Chapin, or Rage Against the Machine. yeah, 90's alt rock was sweet and all, but for me, there is a time and place for them, like say, 1995. now i say new, bad ass music is stopping me from listening to new, bad ass stuff i've been meaning to listen to. after a few minor steps / library reflection, you could be saying this too. i see a few potential outcomes of personal library reflection, with differing degrees of polarity. some are dramatic in their extremity; some are not. the first option i propose is to simply "uncheck" blocks of music that you wish to exclude from your existing randomly playable song population. doing so will get the message across, "bon jovi - we need to listen to other people," but still gives you the "if we're both forty and haven't found the band we like" option. the second option is a tad more harsh: transference to an external hard drive. if you have this luxury, it is an extremely viable option. if one day you're in the mood for Sir-Mix-A-Lot, then just grab that hard drive and jump on it. this also ensures that you will have secondary copy of your crappier music in case your computer crashes. the last option is the most hardcore: deletion. deletion frees you from the musical shackles that once hindered your musical maturation process. it absolves you from the 80's hair bands and early 2k's mtv pop that once dominated your musical sphere. now how do you go about choosing what to uncheck, transfer, or delete? the following 5 steps will guide you. just remember, it's a personal choice.

1) if you have music that reminds you of who you used to be, and you do not like who you used to be, get rid of it. you can be all that you can be, if you want to be, who you want to be. whatever. the army says so, kanye west says so, and i say so.

2) if you tell yourself, oh i'll get into them one day, odds are you won't. deal with it. just remember, you have three options at your disposal. uncheck. transfer. delete. you make the call.

3) some albums maintain high critical stature in the current music scene. take "Muse" for example. i don't particularly care for their music, but that doesn't stop them from regularly being one of the most listened to bands on last.fm. i am going to keep them, unchecked. future people i may encounter, that become active in my life may want to show me a song on "Absolution". for this reason, i see potential hidden social value in music i acquire. when you are determining the fate for many of your artists, this reasoning may come in handy.

4) use the genius playlist. it will mesh current artists with other similar artists (generically speaking), you most likely have forgotten about. this will help you regain control of your library. your library will play songs using both LIFO and FIFO methods of play. this step is a must.

5) check out playcounts. less than five plays for a single album, yet you've had the album five years? you know what it's gotta be.

believe me, you do not want the Macarena to play randomly when you're hosting a Super Bowl party; i've been there. pruning your music library makes sure musical mood killing music doesn't creep up on you when you least expect it, or even when you do expect it. and when that happens, it's a super sonic-sized kick to the balls. a wise man once said "the unexamined library is not worth listening." or something to that extent. so go, examine. listen. curate. and remember that you are the decider of which method to employ: uncheck/transfer/delete.

Talk about a tale of two cities (actually days). On the 21st, Apple announced a record quarter. One day later, Microsoft depresses the hell out of everyone with news of a 5% workforce reduction. Let me get this straight...in the same economy, in the same industry, in many of the same specialized sectors, Apple adopts W’s “what recession?” mentality while Microsoft fast tracks it’s 'softies to the soup lines? You’re joking...right? Wrong.

For some reason, Stevie Ballmer’s comments about the iPhone are playing on repeat in my head - “we have our strategy” yada yada yada “you can get a Motorola Q phone now for 99 dollars” yada yada yada “it’ll do music. it’ll do, uh, internet. it’ll do email. it’ll do instant messaging.” Sure Steve, it sure will - except when it is sitting on store shelves.  His comments are a direct reflection of what the tech giant is all about these days, living off the past. What has Microsoft done lately? Hm…let me think…

Vista = disaster.

Zune – just pissed off its last remaining faithful with the Dec 31 freeze.

Xbox – red ring of death, anyone?

Seriously MSFT. Seriously.

The crucial mistake Bill and Steve B. made was the same mistake Dell made - taking the “cool” factor out of the products (or never having it to begin with). Windows Mobile is not an experience; it is a means to an end. Need to send email? Okay. We’ll just make the most unattractive, most boring, most unfriendly user interface possible because after all, you only care about sending email.

If Apple has done anything, they have shown companies what tech consumers want. Even in turbulent economic times people are willing to swipe their cards to get the latest Apple products because they want an experience and they want it in a neat, aesthetically pleasing package. Need to send email? Okay. We’ll just make a keyboard pop out of the bottom of a screen here.

We will see how long Apple can keep this up but for now they have turned the bad economy into a money-tree growing right in the heart of 1 Infinite Loop, Cupertino, CA. 

Just for good measure...