CarbonStated

Terrell Owens was released from the Dallas Cowboys today after 3 tumultuous years which included a “suicide attempt”, a crying defense of his “quarterback” and an open feud with Jason Garrett, his “quarterback,” and his “quarterback’s” butt buddy.
Despite being the ripe age of 36, Owens is always in peak physical condition and despite a nagging hamstring, he rarely has any injury problems. Catching 10 TDs last season and racking up over 1,000 yards, the move was hardly based on lack of production. So the question then becomes: Where does T.O. G.O.?
Well, there are a handful of teams you can logically exclude immediately: Cowboys, Eagles, Vikings (head coach was Eagles offensive coordinator during Owens tenure), 49ers (even multiple regime changes aren’t likely to fade his time there into history), Dolphins (no way, no how with Parcells in charge), Colts and Steelers (he doesn’t fit their m.o.), and Cardinals (set at receiver).
Of the remaining 24 teams which don’t have personal or personnel issues with signing Owens, there is another group which likely cannot offer the amount of money Owens would command. Owens previous contract brought in a whopping 8.5 mil a year, a figure he won’t likely be able to duplicate anywhere else. However, his price tag won’t be much lower due to his clout. Also, because Owens is 36, he won’t likely want to sign a multi-year, back-loaded contract, which would make the most fiscal sense for teams with payroll issues. Additionally, these teams aren’t likely to want to fork over gobs of guaranteed money to a guy who is not only a proven liability, but an aging, proven liability. This eliminates the Washington Redskins, who are 4.9 million over the salary cap. The Redskins make a lot of sense from a football standpoint (division rival to both the Cowboys and Eagles, need for a big-time receiver, good, young QB who can get the ball downfield), but financially, they probably just can’t hack it. The Raiders at $653,000 under, the Buccaneers at $5.1 mil under, the Titans at $6.2 mil under and the Chiefs at $7.3 mil under, all also likely fall into this category. Though Owens to the Raiders would be one of those beautiful, enigmatic Al Davis signings.
That whittles the list to a slim 19 teams. Of the remaining 19, a handful can be eliminated from a strictly football standpoint. The Seahawks recent signing of TJ Houshmandzadeh likely deflates their interest. The Bengals can barely handle Chad Johnson, so I seriously doubt they would take much interest in yet another PR and locker room headache. The Broncos still have Brandon Marshall, despite his pending legal problems, so they seem set at WR. The Lions have a young Calvin Johnson, who I doubt they want to concern themselves with lessening his looks.
Furthermore, Owens will likely refuse to sign with any team who isn’t a Super Bowl contender or a player or two away from being one. This would eliminate the Texans, Jets, Bills, Saints, Rams, Jaguars, Browns, and Packers.
So this narrows our list to 7 lucky finalists: Patriots, Giants, Bears, Chargers, Falcons, Ravens, and Panthers.
1) Patriots:
Moss and T.O.?! Holy shit. Brady may throw 90 TDs. But could they share the spotlight? Doubtful. T.O. does seem like the kind of pick-up the Pats would take a flyer on, even though they don’t really have a need at WR. Even still, the addition of Owens would only make the Pats passing attack that much more indefensible… and they are good enough to win the SB just about every year of late.
Percentage of signing: 20%
2) Giants:
From a football standpoint, this would make a helluvalotta sense considering the pending legal problems of Plaxico Burress. T.O. would get his wish of playing on a SB contender and with a QB who can not only get him the ball, but is a proven winner as well. And if there’s a bigger stage than the Big Apple and playing for the New York football Giants, it is unbeknownst to me. Plus, what better way for the Giants to get a dig on their division foes?
Percentage of signing: 50%
3) Bears:
This would be an interesting option. The stage is certainly big enough. The team is certainly good enough. The need is there. But QB play may be an issue. Also, the Bears offense is much more conservatively operated, with a heavy dose of Matt Forte on a weekly basis, which may be unattractive to Owens.
Percentage of signing: 10%
4) Chargers:
This one is kind of mind bending. On the one hand, this would make a lot of football sense. Rivers really emerged last year as a top-tier NFL QB. The Chargers have several good receivers, but not one definitive playmaker at the position. They are built for now and ready to make a SB run. They throw the ball around a good deal, despite the presence of Ladanian Tomlinson and T.O. wants to play in an offense with other weapons. But, the front office’s issues with L.T. make you wonder how they would even dream of handling a player like T.O. This could be a perfect fit. Or something that blows up their face… quickly.
Percentage of signing: 45%
5) Falcons:
It’s tempting to eliminate the Falcons from the get go because of the presence of Roddy White (much like we did with the Lions). However, the two teams are in distinctly different situations. The Falcons made the playoffs last season (and played the SB runner-up damn close, we might add) and could potentially be a player or two away from being a legitimate threat. White and T.O. would make a dynamic duo on the outside. The Falcons are certainly looking to upgrade their offensive weapons. Ryan is a smart, young QB, who seems to be the heir apparent to the face of the league once the Mannings and Bradys of the world pass into history. The Falcons run a balanced offense, which may be a turn off to Owens, who wants the damn ball. Also, can he play with another receiver who is an equal to or greater than threat than he at this point in his career? Couple that with the relative obscurity of playing in Atlanta and the fact that we’ve only seen one season of Matt Ryan and this seems like an unlikely destination for Owens.
Percentage of signing: 12%
6) Ravens:
Ah ha, now here’s a team that makes sense. Owens was nearly traded to the Ravens several years ago, before inking with the Eagles. He has a friendship with Ray Lewis, who has the type of personality that could keep him in line (maybe?). They are a perennial playoff contender and while it may not be a massive market, it’s certainly not a small one either. Two glaring issues would be the Ravens ball-control offense and the uncertainty of a rookie QB. But hell, even as much as they run it, if they had Owens, he would be who they threw to. He’d get plenty of looks and touches and Flacco’s arm ranks up there among best in the league in terms of strength. This move makes a lot of sense. One I’d keep my eye on, for sure.
Percentage of signing: 60%
7) Panthers:
Pairing T.O. with Steve Smith would be downright scary. Honestly. Delhomme has taken this team to the Super Bowl, though his play of late wouldn’t be any indicator of that. But there’s a lot of reasons this move doesn’t make sense. For starters, the flip side of the two previously mentioned. Could he work with Steve Smith? Would he be confident Delhomme could get him the ball? Not to mention the run, run, run, run, run offense the Panthers like to run and the tough personality of head coach John Fox… really, this just doesn’t make sense.
Percentage of signing: 2%
There you have it. If we had to put our money on it today, I’d lay down a solid Benjamin on the Ravens. But I wouldn’t shut my eyes on the Giants… there could be something there. This saga should be an interesting one to unfold.